Pointless Celebrities – S12E13 “St Andrew’s Day” (30 Nov 2019)

Pointless Celebrities – S12E13 “St Andrew’s Day” (30 Nov 2019)

APPLAUSE Well, thank you very much indeed. Hello, I’m Alexander Armstrong
and a very warm welcome to this special Scottish edition
of Point Celebrities, the game where we aim for the obscure
and we ignore the obvious. Let’s meet this evening’s
Pointless Celebrities. APPLAUSE And couple number one. Hey! Hello! I’m Jack Docherty and I did a show
called Absolutely with this man for many years and now I do
a Scottish show called Scot Squad where I play a policeman. But perhaps my proudest moment
is that both of us gave you your first job. I think that’s actually
what we’re most known for. Oh, I knew one day I’d meet
the person who did that. Great to have you on. Hello. I’m Gordon Kennedy. I did
Absolutely with Jack Docherty, and I’m an actor and a producer and I played Little John in the
BBC’s Robin Hood… Yes, I remember. ..with a big stick.
APPLAUSE Couple number two. Hello,
I’m Chris Iwelumo, former Scotland
international footballer and currently a football
and sports pundit. And I’m Max Evans, former Scottish
rugby player. APPLAUSE Couple number three. Hi, I’m Kaye Adams, I’m not a rugby
player, but I am a loose woman and I also have a radio show
on BBC Radio Scotland. I’m Michelle McManus, I won
the second series of Pop Idol and I’m a presenter too. APPLAUSE And finally, couple number four. Hello, I’m Phyllis Logan. I’m an actor and I run a big house
as a housekeeper sometimes. LAUGHTER And I’m Fish, otherwise known as
Derek Dick, and I’m a singer-songwriter
and amateur gardener. APPLAUSE Thank you very much, all of you.
Very warm welcome to Pointless. Lovely to have you with us. We’ll get a chance to chat further
as the show goes along. Of course, that just leaves one more
person for me to introduce. He’s taking a break from tossing
his caber to be with us tonight. It’s my Pointless friend,
it’s Richard. Hiya! Good evening, everybody.
Good evening. I am so glad you told me
it was a Scottish special. I would have had no idea. I know.
No. If only there were a little clues. Yes, happy St Andrew’s Day
to you. And to you. That’s very kind of you. So these guys gave you your first
ever job? Yeah. Interesting. Yeah. Interesting to
see if you’re biased towards them. I’m going to be biased
towards Phyllis, cos not only are we near neighbours,
but I saw her in a play playing Patricia Highsmith
and she was amazing. So if I were able to cheat
for this, I would cheat for you, but unfortunately I’m not able to. Fish has been here before,
got through to the head-to-head, as has Michelle as well. So we’ve got two very good players
who’ve been here before. But as always, the sports people win
because even if they don’t know stuff, they find a way, they find
that angle, that little extra yard apace from somewhere. So, Chris…
They’ll be cheating as well throughout, like bending the rules. There’ll be a lot of VAR
going on, I suspect, but it’ll be a lot of fun.
Can I ask one question? Yes. Which is we all have tartan
around our podia… Yeah. ..and tables. You have
a different tartan around yours. Oh, no! Do you know what?
This is…this is very sweet. That’s Armstrong tartan. No! Yeah.
Really? Wow. It’s Armstrong tartan. Well, that’s
nice you’ve got your own tartan. I know. Quite right, too. You’ve got the Lindsay tartan there.
Lindsay? Yeah, Lindsay. I love Lindsay. She’s such a lovely
woman. She’s nice, isn’t she? Yeah. Yes. Anyway, thank you very
much indeed, Richard. Now, as usual,
all of today’s questions have been put to 100 people
before the show. Our contestants here are looking for those all important
pointless answers. These are answers that none
of our 100 people gave. Find one of those and we will add
250 quid to the jackpot. Now, as today’s show is
a celebrity special, all of our lovely celebrities
are playing for a nominated charity. We’re going to start off with
a jackpot of… There we are.
APPLAUSE Right. If everyone’s ready,
let’s play Pointless. Now, all you have to remember
is this – it’s the pair with the highest score at the end
of each round that gets eliminated. The highest score.
So we want to low scores. OK. Very good. Best of luck to all
four pairs. Our first category
this evening is… Can you all decide in your pairs
who’s going to go first, who’s going to go second and whoever’s going first,
please step up to the podium. OK, and the question concerns… Well, that’s easier.
Yes, on each board, I’m going to show you the names
of seven UK Top 40 hit singles, but we’ve missed out a weather term
from each title. Can you fill in those titles,
please? It’s good round if you’re
a pop star, Michelle, or Fish or Xander. Hm. Hm. Thank you very much indeed. OK, so we’re looking for the missing
weather terms from these pop songs. Here’s our first board of seven
and we have got… I’ll read those titles again. Gordon, lovely to have you here.
Thank you. Now, Absolutely was not just
a fantastic smash hit sketch show. It was also…
There was a huge raft of shows that were produced by Absolutely. Yeah, and still are to this day.
And still are. We had Trigger Happy TV was one.
Yes. We had The Creatives, Armstrong And Miller, Stressed Eric. I mean, the list went on…
Ah, Armstrong And Miller. I tell you who’s talented – Miller.
LAUGHTER What was he like to work with,
Gordon? Ben Miller. Ben Miller? Yeah. Lovely. Very lovely to work with.
So talented. So talented. Very sweet, very sweet,
and very charitable in the way that he helped other people into
show business. Exactly right. Very broad shoulders as well.
GORDON LAUGHS He could carry a full-grown man. LAUGHTER I just roll with it.
I just roll with it.
THEY CHUCKLE Now, Gordon. Yes? What are you going to
go for on our board here? Er, well, I want to get it right,
but I think I’m going to probably incur quite a lot of points. Um… There’s two that I definitely know, some of them I’m not entirely sure. So I’m going to go with, er… ..Purple Rain, Jimi Hendrix. Purple Rain, says Gordon. Let’s see how many of our 100
people went for rain. XANDER LAUGHS
That’s not a good start! THEY LAUGH I’m afraid not Purple Rain.
It’s not Purple Rain?! I don’t know what the exact word
for the expression on Jack’s face was there, but it was… If you’ve
never been a GIF before, I think you’re about to be one.
Yeah, unlucky, it’s not Purple Rain. Oh, no! Ahhh… You’re definitively not the only
person who would’ve said that. There you are.
Well, it’s cos I’m a Prince fan. Well, let’s go for the doughnut.
Let’s go for the double. OK, Max, welcome to Pointless,
lovely to have you here. Now, when you stopped playing
international rugby, you started playing professional golf. Well, I already was a professional
golfer, cos my dad’s a golf pro, so I took some time out
to become a professional golfer in the meantime of being
a rugby player as well. Were you injured? Was it an injury?
Yeah, a back injury, yeah. But early on as well, I was
in the academy at the Harlequins, um, so… And playing golf all the
while. And playing a bit of golf. Just trying to think, cos of all
the team sports, I can’t think of a more “teamy” sport than rugby. I mean, it’s just very, very teamy.
“Teamy” – look it up. LAUGHTER Whereas golf, I mean, very solitary,
and psychologically that means you must have
tremendous breadth. Good balance, in a way. You’ve got one that’s
very physical and one that’s quite relaxing,
and you can take some time out and go for a nice walk. Yeah.
A nice walk spoilt, for some people. CHUCKLING: Yeah, well, that’s true. Max, what’re you going to
go for on our board here? I’m struggling a little bit. Er, so, again, it might be an
obvious one, but I’m going to go for Summer Breeze by
The Isley Brothers. Summer Breeze. OK.
Let’s see if that’s right. Let’s see how many of our 100 people
said Summer Breeze. It’s right. Well, 100’s our high score. And down you go to 19.
Very well done indeed, Max. APPLAUSE Well played, Max, lovely
start there. Yeah, it scored very highly
in the Rolling Stone list of best summer songs of all time. Ah. The number one was Dancing In The
Streets by Martha and the Vandellas. Best summer song of all time,
according to Rolling Stone. I’d go along with that, yeah. OK.
Thank you very much indeed. Now, Michelle, tell us all about
The Flaming Blackhearts. Oh, The Flaming Blackhearts. I’m lucky enough to know these two
amazing musicians in Glasgow and we met a couple of years ago,
and we started just kind of jamming together, and we’ve written
nine songs. It’s kind of country, Americana, and we’ve decided to
brave it and go in the studio and record these songs. We’ll put it out on the platforms,
we’re not expecting it to go top of the charts or anything, but
it’s lovely to be doing music again and writing.
And so, yeah, it’s quite exciting. Is it country music
with a Scottish angle? Oh, there’s a big dirty Scottish
accent in there, rolling the “rrrrrrs”,
a few “murrrders” in there. Yeah, it’s kind of
Americana country, and I grew up in a house of
progressive rock AND Patsy Cline, Excellent. So, no, it’s been great
fun. It’s been lovely. That sounds good. Doesn’t it? And you’ve been learning Gaelic
as well, Michelle. Well, I mean, I can order my drink
at the bar in Gaelic and I can say “I’m really sorry”, which I don’t feel you really need
anything else in Scottish Gaelic. THEY LAUGH
It really gets you far. Michelle, what are you going to go
for on our board here? I’m really nervous now,
because I think I know them, but I don’t know if I do know them.
Um… I’m going to go Eurythmics,
Here Comes The Rain Again. OK. “Rain”, not for the first time
in this pass. Let’s see if it’s right this time.
THEY LAUGH How many of our 100 people
went for rain? It is right. 100 the high score, 67 for Here Comes The Rain Again. Very well done, Michelle. Now, Annie Lennox, another fine
Scot, complained that shooting the video, that it was
particularly difficult. She shot it on the island of Hoy up in Scotland,
wearing only a nightie. She said it was, er,
quite memorable. THEY LAUGH I bet it was! Yeah.
Thank you very much. Phyllis, welcome to Pointless.
Hello. Thank you. Phyllis, congratulations
on the Downton movie. That’s very exciting. When you were
filming it… Yes. ..was it, I mean, cos obviously,
you are now so used to filming that as a TV series – how was it?
What was the difference? Oh, it was lovely. It was so great
to be all back together again, cos we’d got a gap of three years
before we did the movie. So that was like coming back
to school after the summer hols. It was great to all be together.
How fantastic. And Mrs Hughes, when you first went
up for the part, or rather, you were first going to start
playing the part, weren’t you going to play her as a Yorkshirewoman?
I was, but obviously they… SHE LAUGHS
..realised my all-purpose Yorkshirewoman accent was rubbish. SHE LAUGHS So they said, I think she’d
do very well as a Scotswoman, which I agreed and said yes.
Yes. Quite right. OK. Now, Phyllis, this board
is all yours. SHE SIGHS Do you feel like filling in all the
blanks for us? All of them?! Well, you can guess.
Guess at some of them. Well… ..the Take That, I’ve no idea. I would say Storm In A Teacup,
maybe. What Coach, I don’t know. I was going to say Summer Breeze,
but that got pinched from me! THEY LAUGH So, yeah. Um… I think maybe Purple Haze. Purple Haze. Let’s see how many of our 100 people
said Purple Haze. It’s right. Down it goes to 29.
Very well done indeed. APPLAUSE Good work there, Phyllis.
29 for Purple Haze. Well played, Phyllis.
Very nice answer. Good you didn’t go for Storm In A
Teacup – a much bigger scorer. Now, let’s take a look at the rest
of these. The Take That song,
do you know that one? The Flood. It is The Flood. A good late Take That song. You know Jamie T? I’m going to
guess “calm”. Calm, it is. Now, you can work out this next one,
if I tell you it’s a pun and it was released at Christmas. Snow? Snow coach. Absolutely. Very good. Would have
scored 7 points. So the best answer there is “calm”.
Very well done if you said that. Thank you very much indeed, Richard. Well, we’re halfway through
the round. Let’s have a look at those scores.
Very well done indeed, Max. 19, the best score of the pass. 29 is where we find Phyllis
and Fish. 67 is where we find Michelle
and Kaye. Then up to 100, where we find Gordon and Jack. THEY LAUGH I mean, you know, anything
could happen in the next pass. Liverpool-Barcelona, come on.
There we are. Jack, good luck. When we get to you, let’s hope
there’s a nice low-scoring answer on the board for you that you know. We’re going to come back down
the line now. Will the second players please
step up to the podium? OK. Let’s put seven more pop songs
up on the board with missing weather terms.
And here they are. We have got… “Break The Blank”
sounds like quite a good song. I will read those singles
titles again. Fish, a very warm welcome back to
Pointless. Great to have you with us once again. I want to talk to you
about gardening. Yeah. Because you’re a very keen amateur
gardener. Yeah. I’ve got really into it
in the last ten years or so. It’s been life-changing. It’s a great, soulful place to be. And I read that you’ve built
this massive orangery at home. Yeah. What happened was that when
my wife and I got married a couple of years ago, Simone and I
decided that, we had this really old rickety greenhouse, and we wanted
to redo it. So we said to the family,
we’ll contribute to the greenhouse and had these two massive pieces of
glass, 7mm laminated glass pieces. They were too expensive to cut, so we decided to use them
as the base for… ..design the orangery around them. So we’ve got about a 2.7m high
orangery, which is ridiculous, but it’s full of chillies
and peppers and I love it. And do you grow lots of other veg
as well? Yeah, loads. I mean, if we really put our minds to it
we could be self-sufficient. I mean, it’s like The Good Life
in East Lothian, you know? That is kind of ideal, isn’t it?
I don’t know why I got into it, cos my mum said she’s got
no understand… Nobody in the family was ever in it. But I’ve just dropped into it.
We’ve got a 40 fruit tree orchard with cherries and pears and apples,
fruit cages and all sorts of stuff. Let’s all go and live with Fish!
LAUGHTER He’d love that! I think he would.
Yeah. All right. Fish, what are you going to go for
on our brand-new board? Ah… There’s a couple of very
obvious ones there that are really high-scorers,
but I want to play safe. So I’m going to go, Get Off Of My
Cloud, The Rolling Stones. OK. Cloud, says Fish. Here’s your red line. Nice and high.
If you can get below this red line with cloud, you are through to
Round Two. Let’s see how many of our 100 people went for cloud. It’s right. And you’re through. Very well done. APPLAUSE Takes your total up to 84. Well played, safely through. Yeah,
that was their follow-up single to Can’t Get No Satisfaction. Tough to follow up that,
I would say. Mm. But they did. Perfectly good effort.
Yeah. Thank you, Richard. Now, Kaye. Kaye, welcome. Can I say, first of all, I don’t
believe that Fish lives in Scotland. THEY LAUGH Because… Oh, what, with all these
things he’s growing? Those things don’t grow in Scotland!
They do! Really?! If you’ve got laminated glass,
they do! I think he’s in the south of France and he’s having
us all on! LAUGHTER Now, Kaye, aside from being
a loose woman, you have been a political
journalist. A long time ago. I read that you, at the age of 24,
you went to interview Thatcher. Mrs Thatcher. Yes, Prime Minister,
as she was at the time. How did that happen?
How DID that happen? Well, I was trying to impress
my boss, basically. It was my first job. I was a sort of
baby political reporter, how do you impress the boss?
Well, you know, you get an interview with the Prime Minister. And so
I wrote this letter, you know, much like a child writing
to Blue Peter. And, um, you know, it came back and,
“Yes, you have an hour with “Mrs Thatcher at Downing Street.” And so that was it. And it was quite
an incredible experience. How was she with you? Well,
you know, it’s really interesting, cos she spotted immediately,
in retrospect, I think, that I was very young, you know,
very green. And I was all ready… You know,
a bit of the old student lefty, all ready for the fight,
and she completely nannied me. She made sure that I didn’t have
any dust on my shoulders… Oh, that’s clever. ..and she
sorted me out… That’s clever. ..so I’d look nice for my mum. So by
the time we sat down to interview, I was like that. Complete puppy.
THEY CHUCKLE So, very clever. And you haven’t
looked back. It’s fantastic. Anyway, 67 is your score
at the moment. 32 is what you need to score. Oh, really? 32 or less. Well, music just is not my strong
point at all. And I think I know two of them, and they are very much two
of the very obvious ones. I’ll go for… RELUCTANTLY: ..Walking On Sunshine. XANDER LAUGHS OK. You’re going to go for
Walking On Sunshine. Reluctantly. Here is your red line.
Can you get below that red line, not near that red line, with
“sunshine”? Let’s find out. It’s right… Hee-hee. APPLAUSE 80 takes your total up to 147. Jack and Gordon possibly
back in the game. Er, yeah, I would say that’s one of
the best summer songs of all time. It’s played so often on the radio
and also in films and commercials, they reckon it still makes
1 million a year in royalties. Wow! That sounds a lot. It does. But if you’re going to have a band,
if you’re going to have a band, surely, the first thing you have to
write, with your fledgling band, is a song like Wake Up,
It’s A Beautiful Morning or Fling Open The Doors,
The Sun’s Out. Any song like that… Yeah. ..and
you’ll just get played all the time in the summer. Why is everyone not
trying to do that all the time? I don’t know! Weird. Weird. Thank you very much. Now, Chris. Hello.
Chris, Chris, Chris. Now, you played international
football and club football. Yeah. What are the major differences
between that? What are those differences? Yeah,
I think, I guess at club level, you know, the standard’s good. But again, internationally,
the levels surpass that. You know, I think you have to be at
your best. It was an honour playing for the country. But, yeah,
it was definitely a test, physically and mentally as well.
And you’ve got far less time. You’ve got to gel as quickly as you
possibly can. Exactly. But that’s something that’s…
I think it’s very important with all Scotland squads,
that unity, it’s very club-like atmosphere,
which is good for the group. Very good. Now, another thing that’s
a complete non sequitur to that. I love that before games,
you used to listen to opera. LAUGHING: Yeah. That got put into the public
domain when I was at Wolves. Yeah, it’s something I blame
my godparents, my Auntie Anne and Uncle Jim,
the Phantom Of The Opera, so, kind of Andrea Bocelli and
Pavarotti and things like that, I’d listen to it in the car. Never
lasted long in the dressing room! THEY LAUGH Now, Chris, I’ve got great news for
you. It doesn’t matter what you score here, you’re through
to the next round. You’re through, even if you score
100 points. Takes the pressure off a bit.
I never knew many. I’m going to go with
Wind Beneath My Wings. Wind Beneath My Wings. OK. Let’s see how many of our 100 people
said that. No red line for you, you’re already through. APPLAUSE Yeah, from the film Beaches,
that was. That’s endured. I bet that makes a lot of money
as well. I bet it does. Also funny, cos it says “wind”
in it.
XANDER GIGGLES Yeah. That’s the second song you
have to do with your fledgling band. A song with “wind” in it.
“Wind Beneath My Desk”. LAUGHTER Thank you very much indeed, Richard. Jack. Hi! Now, Jack, welcome. Very good to have you here. The
first time I ever saw you perform, I think was on Saturday Live
with you and Moray Hunter. Yes! That was your little… Yeah.
..tributary to Absolutely. Yeah, it was.
How did it all come together? Moray and I were doing a lot of
writing for other shows like, you know, Spitting Image
and Mel And Griff and all of that. And we would perform on the fringe, but we would just write
professionally. And then something we noticed that
all the performers were… ..people were ironing their shirts
and bringing them coffee and giving them cabs home, whilst
the writers just shuffled home on the tube, so we thought, why
don’t we become performers as well? XANDER CHUCKLES
So we got together the Absolutely crew and then went
and pitched to Channel 4, and, fortunately, they said yes and
it was great, cos we were all schoolmates, so it was just weird
to, like, school friends don’t end up with a television show.
But we did, so it was fabulous fun. Lovely. Brilliant show. Now, Jack, if you can score 46
or less with this answer, you remain with us.
That board’s all yours. Do you think you can talk us through
it? Weird, I like Oasis, I can’t think of that one. I think it’s probably
Living On The Frontline by Eddy Grant and the weather front,
but I’m not sure that that would get under 46. Break The… It can’t be Break The Wind again.
Not Britney, surely! HE LAUGHS But I think fortune
favours the brave, I think if you’re going to go out,
just go out with a double doughnut or whatever you call it here,
the double hundreds. Very much so. I’m going to guess, just cos it
looks like it might be Freeze Frame. Freeze Frame,
Living On The Frontline. You’re going to go for Freeze Frame.
I’m going to go for Freeze Frame. There is your red line. I don’t know if it is, though. It’s a gutsy call.
Let’s see if it’s right. How many of our 100 people
said Freeze Frame? It’s right! Oh! THEY CHEER Lowest score of the round.
Very well done indeed. Ah, that’s beautifully done,
isn’t it? That’s how we like to see
the game play. Yeah. Just a logical guess.
Very, very nicely done. It’s such an equal pairing,
this pairing, isn’t it? THEY LAUGH You’ve got a lot of making up to do
in Round Two, Gordon. I’ll get 100. It’s funny you say Living On The
Frontline, cos I was thinking, it must be Living On The Frontline, but front’s got nothing to do with
the weather. That’s what genuinely was going
through my head. You’re quite right. It’s Living On The Frontline.
It’s another low score, actually. The Oasis song is
The Shock Of The Lightning. Ah. And you can probably work out,
it’s not Break The Wind, obviously. Although one of our 100
did say Break The Wind.
what else could you break? Ice. Ice! Ice. Break The Ice
is absolutely right. So, lightning and freeze were the
best answers in the round. Well done, Jack.
Thank you very much indeed, Richard. So, we find ourselves at the end of
our first round, and I’m afraid, Kaye and Michelle, we have to say
goodbye to you. High score of 147. Oh, that was very exciting, though.
It was. Oooh, I couldn’t call it right
up until the last minute, but it’s been brilliant having you
here. Thank you so much. Thank you so much.
Kaye and Michelle. Please come and play again.
Wonderful contestants. Thank you. APPLAUSE But for the remaining three pairs,
it’s time for Round Two! Very well done, everybody,
you’ve made it through to Round Two! This is exciting. You’ll have
noticed that one of our pairs has being taken away
and released into the wild. THEY LAUGH
We won’t be hearing of them again. But well done, Jack! Thank you. Oh, what a dramatic end to that
round! Exciting, wasn’t it? It was very exciting, and you were
our lowest individual scorer of the whole round.
Phyllis and Fish… Oh, that sounds like a nice dish!
Mm! LAUGHTER Phyllis and Fish, you were our
lowest combined scorers, so very well done. And Max and Chris – just great
to have you here. Brilliant. Best of luck to all three pairs. Our category for Round Two
this evening is… Oh! Can you all decide in your pairs
who’s going to go first, who’s going to go second
and whoever’s going first, please step up to the podium. OK. Let’s find out what
the question is. Here it comes. We gave 100 people
100 seconds to name as many… ..as they could. Yeah, simply looking for any country
in the world which has a larger land area than Scotland. As always, by country, we mean
a sovereign state that’s a member of the UN in its own right. There are just over 100 countries
which are larger than Scotland. Can you name one of them, please? There we are. Gordon. Yes. Now, then. I will go with… HE CLEARS HIS THROAT Eh, Chad. Chad. Yeah. Chad. Well, that could be
an excellent answer. Let’s find out how many
of our 100 people said Chad. It’s right. You go, you go. And it goes to 4. Oh! Very well done indeed. Four points for Chad. That’s a terrific answer, Gordon. Very well played – 16 times the size
of Scotland, and yet have never won a Grand Slam. There we are. Thank you very much
indeed. Now, Max. Max, what are you thinking of? Yeah. I’ve got one. I’m going to go for Congo. Congo, says Max. OK, let’s see how many of our
100 people said Congo. It’s right. It’s down to 1.
Very well done indeed, Max. 1 for Congo. I tell you – sportspeople
react differently to anyone else. It’s just more of a kind of, “Yep, yep, we’ve got this.
We’ve got this.” Yeah, four and a half times
bigger than Scotland, Congo, which makes it about four times
smaller than Chad. I just did that in my head. Thank you very much indeed. Phyllis. Right. Geography is not my strong suit,
however, I’ve got to plump for something. I’ll say… ..Norway. Norway, says Phyllis. Let’s see how many
of our 100 people said Norway. Norway is right. Down it goes to 18 – not bad. 18 for Norway. Yeah, Norway is four times bigger
than Scotland, and, I would say, as a rough estimate,
about the same size as Congo. Very nice. They could share clothes. Congo and Norway? Yeah. They could, yeah – same size.
Same size. Absolutely the same. Thank you very
much indeed, Richard. OK. Well, we’re halfway through
the round. Let’s have a look at those scores. 1 – best score
of the pass. Very strong play from you
there, Max. Well done. Max and Chris looking pretty good on
the back of that, then. 4 is where we find
Gordon and Jack, and then 18 is where we find Phyllis and Fish. So, yes, a little bit ahead, there. Fish, we’re going to need a low
score from you in the next pass, so very good luck with that.
We’re going to come back down the line now. Will the second players
please step up to the podium? So, Fish, remember – we’re looking
for countries that are larger than Scotland. Simple as that. It’s a real tough one… It is tough. ..getting
something that’s very low. Thanks, guys. Very good. I’m going to have to take a real
punt here. Ecuador. Ecuador says Fish. No red line. You’re currently the high-scorers. Let’s see what happens
when we say Ecuador. It’s right. Down it goes to 2.
Very well done indeed, Fish. Also neatening up your score there
to a nice round 20. Beautiful. Well played, Fish – did exactly what
you had to do there. Yeah, three and a half times
the size of Scotland. Not as warm, though. Thank you very much indeed, Richard. Chris, if you can score 18
or less with this answer, you are straight into
the head-to-head. Er… ..I’m going to go Uruguay. Uruguay, says Chris. Here is your red line. Let’s see how many people
said Uruguay. It’s right. You’ve done it. Down to 1. Very good indeed, taking your total
up to 2 down in the middle podium. Very well done, Chris and Max. What a performance on podium two
there – 2 points. Yeah, it’s actually only twice
the size of Scotland. It’s not… That’s the smallest
we’ve had so far, Uruguay. Thank you very much indeed. And Jack. OK. OK, Jack. We have a contest on here. You’ve got to score 15 or less. 15 or less. Um, oh, it’s tricky, innit? Cos there’s some you think,
“Oh,” you know, “definitely.” And then there’s others you think,
“No. Maybe not.” It’s quite a good game, this,
isn’t it? It’s quite fun. I’m going to go for Uzbekistan. Uzbekistan. Uzbekistan, says, Jack. Here is your red line. Let’s find out – Uzbekistan – Is it right?
How many people said it? It’s right. And you’ve done it! Very well done, indeed. Down to 4. Lovely equal scoring. Brings your total up to 8. I mean, very well played, everyone. To have a losing score of 20 is quite something in this game. That’s terrific work all round. Lots of very low scorers. I’ll give you someone pointers –
you’ve got 1 point for Malawi, Mali, Mauritania,
Mozambique, Myanmar, North Korea, Oman, Somalia and South Korea,
South Sudan, Surinam, Syria, Tanzania, Turkmenistan, UAE, Venezuela. They were all 1 pointers. I’ll show you some of the pointless
answers now. Very well done if you said
any of these… You also could have Burkina Faso, Eritrea, Ghana, Guatemala,
Guinea, Guyana, Kurdistan, Liberia, Nicaragua,
Papua New Guinea, Uganda and Yemen. All of those are pointless answers. Top answer – Australia, for some reason. There we are. For
some reason beats the United States. Cuba – that’s a surprise.
Cuba being bigger than Scotland? Yeah. Is Cuba massive?
Yeah, I wouldn’t have thought that. Maybe it is. Maybe it’s huge.
Well, I guess it must be. Do you know one thing about Cuba? Tell me. Bigger than Scotland. Just! Scotland’s still makes
the better cigars, though. Oh, yeah. Thank you very much indeed. Well, we
are at the end of our second round. We have to say goodbye to one
of our pairs – Phyllis and Fish. Oh! I can’t tell you what a treat
it’s been having you both here. It’s been just lovely. Thank you
so much for coming to play. Thank you. Thank you. Please come
and play again. Well done, guys. Fantastic. 2 and 8 – I don’t feel so bad. Phyllis and Fish! But for our two remaining pairs
it’s now time for the head-to-head. Congratulations, Max and Chris,
Gordon and Jack. You are now one step closer to the final and
a chance to play for our jackpot, which currently stands at £2,500. Well, this is the point where we
have to decide who goes through to the final to play for that
jackpot, and we do it by making you go head-to-head,
but you now play as a pair. First pair to win two questions will be playing for that jackpot. Well, look at this. How about it? That’s nice. Sport v comedy. Yeah. Always bet on sport. That’s the key, but you see what happened at the
start where Gordon made the Purple Rain mistake that virtually
everybody else made as well? Amazing comeback to get here.
Amazing. But Max and Chris – they literally they haven’t put
a foot wrong, have they? They haven’t put a foot wrong.
They’ve been amazing. But there has been great team
synergy, actually. That last round Max and Chris each scored 1 and
Gordon and Jack each scored 4 – very much in tune with each other. Let’s play the head-to-head. Here is your first question,
and it concerns… Oh, no. Richard? Yeah, we’re going to show you five
pictures now of people who attended Harry and Meghan’s wedding, but can
you tell us who they are, please? Thank you very much indeed. Let’s reveal our five guests. And here they come. We have got… There we are – five wedding guests. Who are they? Max and Chris, you’re our low scorers, so you get
to go first. Do we have to get
their specific name? Or if we say, like, mum of…? I think specific name is probably… OK. Fair enough. Yeah, we’re going to go
for E – Idris Elba. OK. Idris Elba. So, then, Gordon and Jack, can you talk us through the rest
of that board? No, not really. A is… I think that’s what they were
meaning by that. I think that’s Mrs Markle.
Mrs Markle, but it won’t be Mrs Markle. We think B is the Countess
of Wessex, Prince Edward’s wife. Yeah. But is it, though? What do you all think?
Is that allowed? No, no, no, no! LAUGHTER
We’ll have none of that. Just checking. Sorry! C is somebody…
Somebody very recognisable. Looks a bit like Mel B,
but it can’t be Mel B. And D is Jonny Wilkinson.
Jonny Wilkinson. I think that’s too obvious. I think we should go for B. I think you’re right.
OK, let’s go for B and, hopefully, that’s the Countess of Wessex.
Yeah. OK. You’re going to say the Countess of Wessex.
So, we have Idris Elba and we have the Countess of Wessex. Max and Chris said Idris Elba for E. Let’s see how many of
our 100 people said that. It is Idris Elba. Look, oh, 70 for Idris Elba! Meanwhile, Gordon and Jack have gone
for the Countess of Wessex for B. Let’s see if that’s right
and, if it is, let’s see how many of our 100 people got it. It is right. And it wins you the point! Ooh! There we are. Down to 34. Very well done indeed. Well done,
Jack. After one question, you’re up 1-0.
Yeah, very well played. Big score, isn’t it, for Idris Elba?
Mm. Very impressive. If you had gone for Jonny Wilkinson,
that is D, actually, would’ve won you the point as well
cos 45 for Jonny Wilkinson. The other two, the best answer on
the board, you’re absolutely right, the first one is Meghan’s mum
and her name is… Doria Ragland. Scored 14 points.
Very well done if you said that. The best answer on the board,
though, one of the many stars of Suits,
that’s Gina Torres. She scored 2 points, so
very well done if you said that. Thank you very much, Richard. OK. Now, here comes
your second question. Gordon and Jack, you get
to answer this one first. Max and Chris, you’re the ones
who have to win it to stay in the game, so very best of luck. Our second question today
is all about… Yeah, we’re going to show you
the names of five actors now who have played the Doctor, but they’re
in the forms of anagrams, I’m afraid. Can you unscramble them and tell us who these people are,
please? Thank you very much indeed.
Let’s reveal our five actors. And here they come. We have got, in anagram form… I’ll read those all again. There we are. Gordon and Jack,
you get to go first. THEY CONFER OK, we’ll go for the one at the top. Jon Pertwee. Jon Pertwee for “jet nor weep”. OK. Max and Chris, do you want
to talk us through the rest of those anagrams? Struggling here. Not a Doctor Who fan. Can we guess
on one of the anagrams? Yeah, why not? Let’s go for the “to embark”. Tom something. Tom… LAUGHTER Tom Barke. Tom Barke.
LAUGHTER Tom Barek. Tom Barek! Tom Barek. OK, Jon Pertwee
and Tom Barek. OK. In the order they were given, Gordon and Jack have gone for
Jon Pertwee. Let’s see how many of our 100 people
said that, for the top one. It’s right. 60. 60 for Jon Pertwee. Max and Chris,
meanwhile, have gone for Tom Barek for “to embark”. Let’s see how many of our 100 people
said Tom Barek. Is it right? I’m sorry. It’s not right, I’m afraid,
which means very well done indeed, Gordon and Jack. After only
two questions, straight through to the final 2-0. Yeah, unlucky.
Listen, it’s all you could do. Most people can’t see those letters
and work out an anagram. You did. But you’ll be annoyed.
Not Tom Barek, Tom Baker. Actually, would have scored you
too many points. Would have scored 67 points anyway. Those are the top two scorers
up there. How are you with the rest of these?
“Clotheshorse precinct”? Um, no. Christopher Eccleston.
Oh, of course it is! 21 points. Imagine him sitting
at home and finding out his name is an anagram of
“clotheshorse precinct”. LAUGHTER “Adept replica” is the next best
scorer. Is…? That one’s Peter Capaldi. Peter Capaldi, the third
Scottish Doctor. 19 points for that.
And the best answer. A lady. Oh, of course! It’s Jodie Whittaker!
Jodie Whittaker. Absolutely. She would’ve scored you 15 points,
so very well done if you said her. There we are. Excellent.
Thank you very much indeed. So, the pair leaving us at the end
of the head-to-head round, I’m afraid, it’s our golden couple,
Max and Chris. Superstars of the game
up to this point. And then Gordon and Jack
got their act together and 2-0 was the result.
But very well done indeed. It’s been lovely having you here.
Thank you so much for playing and playing so well.
Max and Chris, brilliant! For Gordon and Jack, it is
now time for our Pointless final. Congratulations, Gordon and Jack.
You’ve see off all the competition and you have won our coveted
Pointless trophy. You now have a chance to win today’s
jackpot for your charities and, at the end of today’s show,
the jackpot is standing at £2,500. Well, I have to say, from
your first utterance, it looked like your goose was cooked. It did look like we were…
Yeah, it was all over, but, no, not a bit of it.
Back you came. The lesson is, never give up.
Exactly. It was beautifully done.
It’ll be very moving when we put the music underneath
as well. What do you want to see come up
in this last round? What’s going to help you win that
jackpot for your charities? My career would be good. Yes. I’ve got a few pointless
answers there, hopefully. Absolutely. Yeah, just not soap operas or soaps.
OK. You know what happens. Four things
will appear on the board and each one of those
will have three further… OK. ..categories.
Plenty to play for here. Let’s hope there’s something
up here you like the look of. Tonight, we have got… What do you think?
What do you think? “Seven” Films, so that’s…
Oh, it’s going to be films with the word seven in it.
You would have thought. Stuff like that. Who knows?
Yeah, yeah. Not going to be “name seven films.” No! That’s too easy. Mary, Queen of Scots,
that sounds deeply intellectual… Yeah. ..so…and it’s
Scottish history. No good. Are we camp enough to go
for ABBA? I think we might be. Sporting Tigers,
who knows what that is? No. Well, films or ABBA, isn’t it,
really? Um… ..let’s go for “Seven” Films. Yep.
Let’s go for films. OK. “Seven” Films. OK. Very best of luck, gents,
on this St Andrew’s Day. As so often in this show,
it comes down to ABBA or films, and you’ve chosen films. And here are your three questions. We are looking for the cast, please,
of any of the following three films. So, according to IMDB,
anyone credited with appearing in Seven Brides For Seven Brothers, Se7en, or the 2016 version of
The Magnificent Seven. Very best of luck. OK. Now,
as always, you’ve got up to one minute to come up
with three answers. All you need to win that jackpot
for your charities is for just one of your answers to be pointless.
Are you ready? Yes. Yes. We’re going to put 60 seconds
up on the clock. And there they are.
Your time starts now. Right. I don’t know anybody in
Seven Brides For Seven Brothers. Do you? Yeah, I think one of
the big method guys, could have been a contender,
whatshisname from… Marlon Brando?! No, the other one.
Oh, um… ..with the nose? Yeah, yeah. The Island Of Doctor Moreau.
What was his name? Um… Um… Steiger! Steiger. Rod Steiger,
I think. That’s a gamble. Se7en was… Brad Pitt was in it.
Who was Brad Pitt’s wife? That could be a good one. Paltrow.
Gwyneth Paltrow. Gwyneth Paltrow. Head cut off.
Then there’s Morgan Freeman. Yeah. And then there’s Kevin Spacey. Yes. I haven’t seen that one. No.
No, I didn’t. I know the old one,
but not that one. So… So, what are we saying?
We’re saying… New Magnificent Seven…
How sure are you about Rod Steiger being in Seven Brides
For Seven Brothers? I’m not. But I think it’s a good gamble.
It doesn’t matter if we’re wrong. Ten seconds left.
Doesn’t matter, doesn’t matter. Doesn’t matter. We’ve just got
to get… OK, shall we go for Paltrow? Yeah, Paltrow. And then the cast of
The Magnificent Seven… Forget… OK. That is your time up. Let’s now have your three answers.
What are you going to go for? OK. Right. We’re going for… We’re going for… ..from the second
film, Se7en, we’re going for Morgan Freeman…
Morgan Freeman. ..which is sounds right,
and Gwyneth Paltrow. And Gwyneth Paltrow. Yeah. OK. OK. And the gamble… Yes. ..is Seven
Brides For Seven Brothers, Rod Steiger. Rod Steiger.
Of those three, your best shot? Probably Rod Steiger, best shot
at a pointless answer. I don’t know. What do you think? Yeah.
No, I think the two Se7en ones are not going to cut it. OK.
So, Rod Steiger, we’ll put last. Least likely to be pointless?
Freeman. Morgan Freeman. Freeman. And then Paltrow in the middle? Yep.
OK. Let’s put those answers up on the board in that order, then.
And here they are. We have got… Well, three good answers
on the board there. You’re not sure if that last one’s right,
but if it is, it could be quite a good answer, don’t we think?
Yeah. Now, if one of these turns out
to be pointless and wins you that jackpot, which charities
are you playing for? Gordon? I’m playing for
the St Columba’s Hospice in Edinburgh.
Very good indeed. Jack? Parkinson’s UK. Lovely. Two lovely charities there. Let’s hope one of these answers
is pointless and will win that jackpot for them. Your first
answer was Morgan Freeman. In this case, we were looking
for the cast of Se7en. If Morgan Freeman is pointless,
your charities will win £2,500. Let’s see how many of our 100
people said Morgan Freeman. Well, it’s right. We knew that. It just has to be pointless now for
your charities to win the jackpot. Down to… ..39. 39. So, not a pointless answer. Let’s move on to Gwyneth Paltrow,
your second answer. Again, we’re still looking at
cast members from Se7en. If Gwyneth is pointless, £2,500
will be going to your charities. Let’s see how many of our 100 people
said Gwyneth Paltrow. It’s right. Morgan Freeman took us
all the way down to 39. Gwyneth Paltrow takes us down. We’ve passed 39. Still going down
with Gwyneth Paltrow. Still… 18. OK. Such a gamble.
But it’s a good gamble. If we could book-end Gordon
with that 100 and then zero… Well, now, what about this? Rod Steiger. We’re now looking
for cast members of Seven Brides For Seven Brothers.
You’re thinking Rod Steiger. You’re pretty sure Rod Steiger. At the back of your mind,
you think… It’s a Western musical that he’s in. It could not… It might not
be that one. OK. Well, to win that jackpot of £2,500,
Rod Steiger has to be pointless. Let’s find out how many people
said Rod Steiger. Oh! Bad luck! Oh, well. That was a tough board! It was a tough board. You didn’t
particularly want “Seven” Films, but you went for it and you made
a pretty good fist of it. Two right answers. But I’m afraid you didn’t find manage to find that
all-important pointless answer… No. ..so I’m afraid your charities
won’t get today’s jackpot. However, as it is a charity special,
we are going to donate £500 to each pair for their respective
charities, so there we are. Very well done. You played
incredibly well across the game. Yeah, you’re right.
It was Oklahoma Rod Steiger was in. There it is. Do you know what? I don’t think
any of these pointless answers are going to ring too much
of a bell, so it’s not too bad. It was just a tough category. We’ll start with Seven Brides
For Seven Brothers, two of the brides there, Betty Carr
and Virginia Gibson, also Jacques D’Amboise
and Russell Simpson. Howard Keel was the biggest
scorer there. He was the big star of that,
and Jane Powell as well. The cast of Se7en, there’s
actors you’ll know here. There’s Richard Roundtree,
who was Shaft. There’s Richard Schiff,
who was Toby in the West Wing. He was in that. R Lee Ermey as well.
Richard Portnow. In fact, the only people to score
points were all ones you mentioned. Pitt, Freeman, Paltrow and Spacey
were the only ones who scored points. Everyone else
was a pointless answer. Now, the new Magnificent Seven,
which is actually rather good, I would say, worth watching. Two of the seven, Vincent D’Onofrio
and Martin Sensmeier, both there. Yeah, Peter Sarsgaard is a pointless
answer and Luke Grimes. Only four scorers there.
Denzel Washington, Chris Pratt, Ethan Hawke and Haley Bennett.
Everyone else is a pointless answer. Very well done if you got
any of those at home. Thanks very much indeed, Richard.
Thanks very much, Gordon and Jack. We’ve loved having you on the show.
I’m sorry you didn’t win the jackpot, but you each get
to take home a Pointless trophy, so well done indeed. Thanks so much
for playing, Gordon and Jack! Thank you. Thank you. Join us next time when we’ll be
putting more obscure knowledge to the test on
Pointless Celebrities. Meanwhile, it’s goodbye
from Richard… Goodbye. ..and it’s goodbye from me.

10 thoughts on “Pointless Celebrities – S12E13 “St Andrew’s Day” (30 Nov 2019)

  1. One of My favourite singers Fish with one of my favourite actor Phyllis Logan. How cool. Never knew this wasn't Fish's first time on the show.

  2. The very first nation I thought of larger than Scotland was Chad. And no one is here to witness me yelling in astonishment at my screen.

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