Meanwhile… Josh Brolin’s Butthole Is Sunburned

Meanwhile… Josh Brolin’s Butthole Is Sunburned


>>STEPHEN: HEY, EVERYBODY. GIVE IT UP FOR JON BATISTE AND
“STAY HUMAN” RIGHT THERE! ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
IT’S GOOD TO BE BACK FROM THE COMMERCIAL BREAK. I KNOW WE’VE GOT TO PAY BILLS,
BUT I MISS NOT BEING ON TV WHILE WE’RE ON THE COMMERCIAL BREAK. I GET LONELY.>>Jon: WE DISAPPEAR ON THAT
BREAK.>>Stephen: WE DON’T EXIST FOR
THOSE THREE MINUTES.>>Jon: RIGHT, AND THEN WE
COME BACK, YEAH.>>Stephen: I TELL YOU ANOTHER
REASON I AM SO EAGER TO GET TO TONIGHT’S GUEST. TONIGHT WE HAVE THE ONE, THE
ONLY, THE GREAT, THE TALENTED SCARLETT JOHANSSON IS GOING TO
BE OUT HERE IN JUST A MOMENT. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>>Jon: INCREDIBLE.>>Stephen: AND TONIGHT, DON’T
GO NOWHERE, WE HAVE A PERFORMANCE BY THE WEEKND COMING
UP IN TONIGHT’S SHOW. AN INCREDIBLE PERFORMANCE.>>Jon: YEAH, AMAZING, GOING
TO BE GREAT.>>Stephen: YOU KNOW, FOLKS, I
SPEND A LOT OF TIME RIGHT OVER THERE, BUNCHING MYSELF OFF
THE NEWS HIGH DIVE, PIKING INTO A JACKNIFE, TUCKING MY SHOULDER
AT EXACTLY THE RIGHT MOMENT TO EXECUTE THE PERFECT TEN-POINT
DIVE THAT IS MY MONOLOGUE. BUT SOMETIMES, I LIKE TO YANK ON
MY WATER WINGS, TAKE A SWIG OF ROLLING ROCK, AND BELLY FLOP
INTO THE DIRTY BABY POOL OF NEWS THAT IS MY SEGMENT —
>>”MEANWHILE!” ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
THIS IS AN ALTERNATIVE ENERGY SOURCE, “MEANWHILE!” PEOPLE LOVE
IT. MEANWHILE, THE INTERNET IS ANGRY
OVER THE NEW HOLIDAY AD FOR THE PELOTON EXERCISE BIKE. IDEAL FOR ANYONE WHO’S LOOKED AT
A REGULAR BIKE AND SAID “I WISH THIS DIDN’T GO ANYWHERE AND
COULD SCREAM AT ME.” ( LAUGHTER )
THE AD IS TAKING A LOT OF HEAT FOR BEING BOTH UNREALISTIC AND
SEXIST BY SHOWING A HUSBAND BUYING EXERCISE EQUIPMENT FOR
HIS ALREADY VERY FIT WIFE. JIM?>>OKAY, YOU READY? NOW!>>A PELETON? ALL RIGHT, FIRST RIDE. I’M A LITTLE NERVOUS, BUT
EXCITED. LET’S DO THIS. 6:00 A.M., YAY. THAT WAS TOTALLY WORTH IT. A YEAR AGO, I DIDN’T REALIZE HOW
MUCH THIS WOULD CHANGE ME. THANK YOU.>>THIS HOLIDAY, GIVE THE GIFT
OF PELETON.>>STEPHEN: WELL, I AM SHOCKED. YOUR HUSBAND BOUGHT YOU A $2,200
PELOTON, AND YOUR CHRISTMAS GIFT TO HIM WAS ONE OF YOUR INSTA
STORIES? ( LAUGHTER )
PLUS, YOU PUT IT RIGHT IN FRONT OF THE BEST WINDOW IN THE HOUSE! THAT’S WHY WE DON’T HAVE ROOM
FOR A POOL TABLE, JANET! ( LAUGHTER )
WELL, THE INTERNET WAS SO SHOCKED THAT THERE WAS SEXISM IN
ADVERTISING, THAT PELOTON “SAW A 9% DROP IN THEIR STOCK, COSTING
THE COMPANY NEARLY BILLION DOLLARS.” THAT’S OKAY, PELOTON. YOU GOT THIS! STAY WITH ME! I’M NOT LEAVING YOU BEHIND! OKAY? ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
COME ON! YOU CAN DO IT! “DEFEAT” IS JUST ANOTHER WORD
FOR “YESTERDAY!” “FAILURE” IS NOT IN YOUR
VOCABULARY! AND, FOR NOW, NEITHER IS “PROFIT
MARGIN.” WHOO! OKAY. OKAY. NOW, HYDRATE! GOOD SESH! GOOD SESH. NOW GIVE THE KNOB A HALF-TWIST
TILL THE BLOOD IS CUT OFF FROM THE SKULL OF WHOEVER CAME UP
WITH THAT AD CAMPAIGN. ( LAUGHTER )
MEANWHILE, A DRUG SMUGGLER IN ARGENTINA WAS BUSTED WITH NINE
POUNDS OF WEED IN A FAKE BABY BUMP. AUTHORITIES ALSO SEIZED A COPY
OF THE POPULAR BOOK, “WHAT TO EXPECT WHEN YOU’RE EXPECTING
NINE POUNDS OF WEED.” ( LAUGHTER )
( APPLAUSE ) ( CHEERING )
SUCH A VITAL BOOK, SUCH A VITAL BOOK. MEANWHILE, “PINTEREST AND THE
KNOT, TWO OF THE COUNTRY’S —
MEANWHILE, A WORLD WAR II VETERAN WHO CREDITS HIS
LONGEVITY TO DAILY COORS LIGHT JUST TURNED 102.” IN OTHER WORDS, DRINK PLENTY OF
WATER. ( LAUGHTER )
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ( PIANO RIFF )
MEANWHILE, “JOSH BROLIN’S BUTTHOLE IS SUNBURNED AND HE’S
NOT HAPPY ABOUT IT.” ( LAUGHTER )
STARS, THEY’RE JUST LIKE US. ( LAUGHTER )
HE LOOKS HAPPIER THAN I THINK HE WOULD! HERE’S WHAT HAPPENED. BROLIN DECIDED TO TRY OUT THE
LATEST WELLNESS TREND CALLED “PERINEUM SUNNING.” NOW, “PERINEUM” IS THE
SCIENTIFIC TERM FOR A PART OF THE BODY THAT WE ALL USE A
DIFFERENT WORD FOR, BUT I’M NOT LEGALLY ALLOWED TO SAY THAT WORD
ON CBS. I CAN USE ONLY SCIENTIFIC TERMS. SO BELIEVE IT OR NOT, CBS
PREFERS THAT I SAY IT’S “THE AREA BETWEEN THE ANUS AND THE
SCROTUM OR VULVA.” YOU’RE WELCOME, VIACOM-CBS. ( LAUGHTER )
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ( PIANO RIFF )
HEY, THEM’S THE RULES. TAINT MY FAULT. TAINT MY PROBLEM. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
( PIANO RIFF ) PROPONENTS OF PERINEUM SUNNING
CLAIM IT’S “DERIVED FROM AN ANCIENT TAOIST PRACTICE THAT
STRENGTHENS ONE’S ORGANS, INCREASES THEIR CREATIVITY,
REGULATES THEIR CIRCADIAN RHYTHM, AND IMPROVES THEIR
LIBIDO.” PLUS, REALLY KEEPS THE NEIGHBORS
AWAY. ( LAUGHTER )
( APPLAUSE ) I’M GOING TO GUESS SCARES OFF
THE RACCOONS AS WELL. ( LAUGHTER )
I KNOW WHAT YOU’RE THINKING. YOU’RE THINKING, “THAT’S GREAT,
STEPHEN, JUST TELL US WHAT’S GOING ON WITH JOSH BROLIN’S BUTT
HOLE.” ( LAUGHTER )
THANK YOU FOR ASKING. WELL, AFTER HIS EXPERIMENT,
BROLIN TOOK TO INSTAGRAM AND WROTE, “MY PUCKER HOLE IS CRAZY
BURNED,” “I DON’T KNOW WHO THE (BLEEP) THOUGHT OF THIS STUPID
(BLEEP) BUT (BLEEP) YOU NONETHELESS. SERIOUSLY.” JOSH! JOSH! COME ON, MAN! ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
( PIANO RIFF ) ARE YOU ACTUALLY BLAMING SOMEONE
ELSE FOR YOU SUNBURNING YOUR ANUS? OF COURSE IT’S DUMB! YOU LITERALLY LET THE SUN SHINE
“WHERE THE SUN DON’T SHINE.” ( LAUGHTER )
THAT’S ON YOU, BROTHER WE’LL BE RIGHT BACK…

100 thoughts on “Meanwhile… Josh Brolin’s Butthole Is Sunburned

  1. The most surprising thing about this is that Peloton is worth 10 billion fucking dollars. America probably needs to start examining how we distribute wealth

  2. Made my husband buy me one. I used to cycle in California. We moved because of his job. It snows here, I missed cycling with people. Sorry if yall poor but I needed this

  3. Americans are easy to fool! 75% believe in god, or some form of something greater than themselves. and 50% or more believe in Trump! Are you stupid or whatever??

  4. What if the woman bought the bike for the husband? Then there would be no complain. This PC culture is ridiculous.

  5. So if a woman would have bought it for the husband it would have been ok? This world is the twilight zone. People getting upset over and add like that need to re-evaluate their lives.

  6. Now that Thanos’ weakness is known, you have to winder if it will be used in his next movie.

    Hahahahaha
    Teehee
    Ya…Yaw… Yawp
    Lol

  7. The Peleton ad isn't sexist People project their own insecurities onto these ads I hated that commercial bcz it was repulsivley cheesy. Shes thin already and that's a problem? That's how fit people STAY fit! If she was fat wld the commercial be better? If he bought her a tub of Ben and Jerrys he'd be a dick for that too huh? Why are we becoming such pussys Why cant a man buy his wife excercise equipment? Why is the person who thought of this commercial a bad guy? Why are we becoming so myopic that we dont realize the good guys are becoming the bad guys too We're telling people if you dare have any traditional views, you're a piece of cave man shit yet in the same breath tell people we just want the right to choose and not be forced to replicate traditional ideas of relations between men and women. Which is it?

  8. Not gonna lie that’s really sexism, if it had been a wife buying a husband no one would have battered an eyelid. It’s not sexist to buy someone an exercise bike. Save your outrage for actual sexism, like idk the gender pay gap or you risk minimising the real issues.

  9. Peloton. In Finnish this word means fearless, unafraid, daring..;) Only the accent is on the first syllable as almost always.

  10. Ask Taoist people if they ever heard of this please. This was probably some weird monk a long time ago that just liked being naked letting his ass breathe. Rich people need better hobbies.

  11. Josh Brolin's a moron LOL, what didn't he thought would happen, to shine Sun where the Sun never? I'm glad that people get what they deserve for being both gullible and stupid; but is his merit that he found out the Scientific reason why not to do it and this we thank you both Josh Brolin and Josh Brolin's pucker LOL

  12. "Don't let the sun hit you where the good Lord split you!" I'm surprised that Josh got his butt-hole burnt since he seems to have his head stuck up his azz! That should have block out the sun!

  13. Wow, what a coincidence, I've wondered for years what the scientific term for that 3 centimeter area of flesh is, and now I know! Thank you very much for your sacrifice, Josh Brolin!

  14. I like that the Peloton ad doesn't show someone at 300 pounds then suddenly at 100 pounds. Weight loss is a thing, but so many ads make it seem like it's a magical overnight change.

  15. I just ugly laughed in a burger joint because I had the horrible judgement of letting autoplay choose a fucking hilarious video.

  16. Colbert fails to acknowledge that he too burned his butthole. But Colbert burned the butthole located on his face between his cheeks. And a lot more crap comes out of that butthole than Brolin's.

  17. People will try anything that sounds old and exotic. I think it was Terry pratchett who said wisdom is the only thing that looks bigger as it gets farther away

  18. AM-ERICA Adolfito Spirit"*;*"LISTEN TO THIS SONG (( Turn It Up )) WITH (( Chamillianarie )) AM-ERICA Adolfito Spirit"*;*"am your Savior and your Redeemer, the Mighty One of Jacob. "Instead of bronze I will bring gold, instead of iron I will bring silver, instead

  19. I'm gonna bitch when I see a commercial of a woman giving a man a razor blade to shave or some deodorant or vegetables or something.

  20. I want to know who started the Peloton controversy. There's no way it wasn't planned. The clicks they got from this were huge. The ad was not offensive.

  21. Hah! It's satisfying watching a company finally lose money over making an idiotic ad! They've been bombarding us with this crap for decades, good seeing them finally get some retribution served.

  22. The outrage about that bike commercial is stupid beyond all reason. There's effing 5 foot of snow out the window sure go outside and walk for exercise and also how the hell is exercise about being skinny? maybe, I don't know, she wants to be physically healthy? Maybe she wants an endorphin rush, maybe she just likes to sweat, maybe she likes the feeling of her muscles strengthening and making her move more easily, fighting off the dementia and rheumatism guaranteed to all the sedentary cows out there who don't want to work out cuz they think it's only about fat shaming. UGH. BS.

  23. What if she wanted the workout bike! People are just sensitive for no reason xD it’s not like he came in and made her get on the bike and said make me a sandwich when your sexier bitch! The point is women care about their bodies and clearly she had some New Years resolution or something to get up and use the thing cause she’s happy about it! You don’t have to be fat to use a workout bike! Why are people so gosh darn stupid!? ?

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